Hey, remember this?

Because I forgot. Whoops.
So many things to say! But I just don't have it in me to wittify the bullshit that has been July. Ooo, wittify is a word now. Write that down.
Fuck. I sidetracked myself. Now I have no idea what the hell I was going to write. Shit. Well, okay.

So, here is a little gem I splattered on the facebook not too long ago about the new Batman movie. Enjoy.
*Also I just had a serious conversation with my dog about dog-human Boundaries that she clearly already chose to ignore.
**Also also, I got a dog. Her name is Kali. She is the most adorable fucking thing on the planet. I dare you to prove me wrong. DARE.

Fuck. BATMAN!!

Via le Face'book;

"How did you like Batman" says everyone that has already seen it. Here's how I liked Batman.

Dumb. I fell asleep twice and took a smoke break half way through, didn't miss a damn thing. Fuck were they trying to prove with the 90 hour long movie? Same shit happened with Lord of the Rings.
I've seen better dramatic death scenes in a Christmas play.
And for Gods Sake, Christian Bale, Close Your Fucking Mouth. Did you have a cold? Tough Shit! As little as I think Batman is a superhero to begin with, I can at least respect the fact that he wasn't a damn mouth-breather.
And really, kid from 3rd Rock from the sun, did you forget about that 'Gotham Accent' you tried so hard for in the beginning of the movie?
Ugh. Dumb.
I want that motorcycle though. For reals. Someone get me that.


THE END. Phew! Oh. I totally remembered what I wanted to talk about just now. It's too late. We can't go back now. It will just have to wait for the next time I remember this is a thing. 

Ti amo Buonanotte miei amici!

TruthBombs

I still don't know what Yolo is, and I refuse to look it up. I have way more important shit to do on the interwebs, like, work on my research paper watch videos of Corgis.. doing, stuff.

I wanted to write about something else, but school is a dick and taking away all of my "creative" free time. So, unless I want to write about gender equality in sentencing and why the recidivism of domestic violence abusers is SO FUCKING HIGH IN OUR COUNTRY here too, I should probably get back to work. Trust me, nobody wants to read that shit.

Here. Watch this. A HUNDRED TIMES. I dare you not to.

And then watch this.

#cutestfuckingshitontheplanet

Back off, June

Holy shit, June. Seriously. Stop it.

So, surprise wisdom tooth removal is probably the worst surprise I've ever gotten. For realsies. It kinda ruined my whole week. Pretty sure surprises are supposed to be awesome and NOT make shit all, shitty.

Also, WHO DUMPS SOMEONE OVER THE PHONE? C'mon. We're supposed to be adults, right? I mean, I've gotten worse. When I was 21 I got dumped via Text. On Easter. That was fun. 24, dumped via email. That got awkward when I didn't check my email for a few days.. But, I mean, Come on. THIS close to being 30, and I get the "there's someone else" speech via speakerphone? What the shit? So. After some discussion, I have come up with a list of ways I'd rather be broken up with. And they arrrre;

• Radio dedication during Slow Jam Sunday
• Sky writer
• Goodyear blimp message during a football game
• Singing messenger
• Candy-gram
• Cardboard sign in the background of the Today show
• IN PERSON
• Craigslist missed connections. I read that shit Religiously
• In a bouncy castle
• At Disneyland, but before I get drunk at the ESPN bar
• While running away from Velociraptors
• Go to the store to "get a pack of smokes" and never come back
• Statler and Woldorf joking about it after a shitty Muppet sketch
• During a shitty drunk toast
• Acoustic song at Open Mic night
• Shark week
• In a room full of puppies. Soft, soft puppies.

Yeah. So, Fuck you Chr person who shall remain unnamed. You could've done So much better. I hope you get herpes.

<3 <3 Kthxbye!

Blog? MMmmmmm... Mkay

Blog? Sure. Why the fuck not. I'll give it a try. Everyone should have the opportunity to read 

the random shit going on in my head.

Right? Fuck. 

So here's my first of many attempts at understanding the Internet box. Don't get me wrong,

I've got the Facebook. I've got the fancy Iphone. Shit, I even have a twitter account now

(which I am fully convinced is there purely to make stalking That much easier, I mean,because

 it does...) And an Instagram (of which a majority of pictures are of my cat. But that's what 

it's for, right?). Also, Pinterest? That was fun for about a week. I don't know who all those 

people are following me on that though. Fucking weirdos. Shit got old quick. All people posted

on that shit was Food and artsy Hipstamatic filtered pictures of sad chicks. Lame. Over it.

Still not sure why tumbler and reddit are things.

Reddit is like all that shit that I randomly look up on Google, ALL IN ONE PLACE. 

Overwhelming as Shit. Let's look at the headlines. 

1. (Picture of Hasselhoff with an eye patch) "I paid $10 for mine. but im a fan of horrible 

     movies..." bla bla bla. Boring. Next. 

2. "Hosni Mubarak, former Egyptian president, gets life in prison"  

     What the fuck is that? Real news? Get the fuck out of here. Seriously. 

3. Bla bla "Hilton grandpa donated fortune, embarrassed by granddaughter" 

     I mean, I paraphrased that one, but really. Really? No shit. 

And Tumbler. Tumbler is some sort of Facebook/blog hybrid, right? I tried to read someone's

shit on there and had no fucking clue what was happening. I felt old. Oh, and fuck that! I 

recently found out that "my" generation is specializing in social media and turning that 

into a God Damned profession? What the shit is that? Seriously,tell me.I would love to get

paid to Facebook n shit all day. But I digress.

If anyone is actually reading this, I apologize. 

This is what insomnia and Katy Perry do to a person. Probably. 

Also Shiraz.